Jesus, Women, and Your Seat at the Table

I have been working on a message for the Christmas season to preach at my church, and found myself focusing on the character of Mary, the teen-age mother of our Savior.  After the angel announces to Mary her wondrous and scary divine assignment, Mary sings a beautiful song of worship found in Luke chapter 1.  I especially love her comment at the beginning, …my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.  Our God was mindful of this young girl – he truly SAW her and decided to bless her.  From the very beginning of the life of Jesus, born in a smelly cave to that young mother, our Savior ushered in a revolutionary treatment of women.  In ancient days, women were property, and expected to be hidden servants who never even came close to sharing a seat at the table of discourse or leadership.  If you want to be incredibly inspired by how Jesus treated women, I highly recommend chapter 4 of John Ortberg’s book, Who Is This Man? 

So much has changed in 2000 years…and yet it can still be challenging and discouraging to play a vital role as a woman leader in the church.  This is true for most women leaders I have coached - even those who serve in churches with an egalitarian view.  Women church leaders tell me stories of small ways, and larger ways, in which they have felt overlooked, excluded, diminished, unfairly compensated, and misunderstood.  There are also many stories of churches where the opposite is true, where women feel valued and empowered.  Yet most female leaders who cross my path feel somewhat alone in their journey, and are occasionally or often tempted to just give up, bury their gifts, and quiet their voice.

This is why all of us would do well to return again and again to the moments described in the gospels as Jesus ennobled and treasured the contributions of women. Jesus was a radical on many fronts, including his view of women.  So as we approach Christmas, I urge women to be inspired by Mary. Know that our God SEES you, that He will not abandon you, that He has a vital role for you to play and will equip you with what you need. The road may be extremely difficult on many days, but please do not despair and do not give up!  Take your seat at whatever table you are invited to join. Find your voice and speak up with that rare combination of grace and truth. Lean into other women (and men as well) for support and understanding – do not do this journey alone! 

I leave you with the words of Dorothy Sayers, quoted in John’s book, the first woman to receive a degree from Oxford, and a devoted follower of our Savior:

    Perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle

    and last at the Cross. They had never known a man like this Man –

    there never has been such another. A prophet and teacher who

    never nagged at them, never flattered or coaxed or patronized;

    who never made arch jokes about them; who never treated them

    either as ‘The women, God help us!’ or “The ladies, God bless

    them!”; who rebuked without demeaning and praised without

    condescension; who took their questions and arguments

    seriously; who never mapped out their sphere for them, never

    urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being

    female; who had no axe to grind and no uneasy male

    dignity to defend.  (from Who Is This Man?)

Hosting Part 2 - Preparing to Host a Church Gathering

If you are asked to serve as a host at a church gathering, how can you best prepare yourself for this vital role?  When I am given a hosting opportunity, there is a process I go through to prepare.  Here’s what it generally looks like for me:

Collecting Information:  First it is essential to gather any information you can about the needs, focus, and intentions of this particular gathering. What is the general theme or feel of the worship time? What is the message time about, including the primary Scriptures?  When I am collecting information, I look at lyrics or listen to songs online so I am aware of what the feel of the room will be. If there are videos to be shown or other art forms for that day, I look at scripts or links so I am fully up to speed.  Usually I have a conversation on the phone or in person with the individual coordinating the service so he or she can give me any backstory that will be helpful.

Assess the Context of My Part:  Sometimes a host comes up more than once in a gathering.  However many moments I am asked to handle, I want to be especially clear on what I am following and what I am leading up to.  I see myself as a bridge and a guide.  There is an intellectual flow to a gathering and there is also an emotional flow.  I must match my tone and attitude as much as my words in anticipation of what the congregation will be thinking and feeling.  Imagine the gathering and its flow before you write down anything.  Picture how God might be at work during these moments.

Write Out My Words:  I don’t believe the best hosts “wing it.”  To avoid clichés and choose words with tremendous care, we must be thoughtful in advance.  I write out all my words, careful to note the major ideas I am asked to convey – this includes prayer, or comments, or announcements, or the reading of Scripture.  I also try to time out what I have written to see if my plan falls into the limits given for hosting – often, I realize I need to do some editing!  When I am writing, I attempt to craft seamless transitions from one thought or idea to another.  The goal is to make announcements not feel like announcements, but like a part of the whole vision and journey of the day.

Negotiate # of Announcements:  Most churches try to announce way too many events, and then they wonder why the hosting part takes 10 minutes!  If I look at a list of requested announcements and feel there are far too many, I will go to the appropriate staff member and ask if we can possibly trim them down.  It is best to only announce 2 or 3 events - at the most - and only those initiatives that are applicable to all or close to all of those attending.

Recognize the Significance of Any Prayers You Lead:  I discovered that for many people, listening to someone else lead a prayer is a vital part of their transformation journey.  Many people don’t realize they can talk to God with normal human words and openness. Remember when you lead a corporate prayer that it is just that – a group expression. Use a lot of “we” words, including everyone. Be real both real and reverent.

Write Intentional Words About the Offering:  If you are asked to invite people to worship through their giving, give some thought to how you can bring a moment of inspiration or Scripture or a personal story to this part of the gathering.

Memorize!  Once I have written out my words, I work on memorizing the entire piece so that I can establish connection with eye contact and heart.  I bring up some small note cards just in case, but avoid like crazy reading anything except for Scripture.  I will rarely deliver my words exactly as I wrote them, and that is ok.  But I seek to hold onto key phrases and keep the overall flow in my mind through diligent preparation.  It helps me to practice out loud, even in my car on the way to church!

Read the Room:  Finally, even with all this preparation, it is vital for me to be fully present in the room during each gathering. Sometimes God surprises us with moments that don’t go quite as we imagined. Sometimes the movement of the Spirit is unmistakable, and we sense that everyone is truly on holy ground.  The worst thing a host can ever do is violate a moment.  Experience the gathering along with everyone else, and prayerfully seek to respond, even to funny moments, with the appropriate kind of spirit and warmth and genuine presence.

People often ask me if I still get nervous before hosting – and the answer is “Yes, still a little bit.”  That is normal because what we do as a host really matters.  But I try to remember above all that this is not about me. Hosting is an opportunity to serve each person who took the time to come to church – those who have known Jesus for a very long time along with those who are brand new and feeling awkward.  I am given the privilege of helping to guide them all through this hour together.  So take a deep breath, trust that your preparation will serve you well, and give God your very best every time you host.  

The Art of Hosting Church Gatherings

Whether you watch Matt and Savannah and Al in the mornings…or some other morning show crew, you may feel as I do – that these hosts become familiar, almost like family.  We invite hosts from television into our home, into our lives, and over time we trust them to not only deliver “the news’, but also to make us feel like we are a welcome part of the ongoing experience, that we are “in the know” with what is happening in culture and in our world. We learn a little about their lives, and certainly have a sense that we “know” them though we have never been introduced.

Are there any parallels with those who play a “hosting” role in a church service?  I think so.  Maybe at your church you call this part of your Sunday experience by another name, but whatever you may label it, I am referring to an individual who guides us along through the morning, who is or should be so much more than simply “an announcements person.” The host may be asked to invite us into the experience early on, a version of “Call to Worship.”  The host may be required to play a bridging role, guiding us from a moment in worship, leading us to a time of prayer or a reading of Scripture.  And yes, the host also informs us of what matters in the life of our community, and may be asked to prepare us to give our offerings.  I believe this is potentially one of the most impactful individuals who serves on Sunday mornings.  The most effective hosts connect with the congregation. They are warm, genuine, thoughtful, and inclusive. They identify with those who are brand new visitors as well as with the veteran attenders. They guide us along in our morning, and the best hosts make it all feel seamless and easy.  Here are a few questions I am often asked about hosts:

• Who should be asked to serve as a host?  The host can be a member of your staff or a volunteer. What matters most is that the host is a person who fully understands the culture of your church, and someone who has the gifts of communication and discernment to “read the room”.  An effective host never violates a moment in church, but is able to extend the moment with just the right tone before moving on to whatever is next. The host is warm without being over the top or too perky. An added bonus comes if the host has a natural sense of humor, but also the ability to guide people into the presence of God through prayer and pastoral comments. 
• How many “hosts” should be on our team?  You don’t want to have so many hosts that the congregation never gets to know them.  Depending on how many services you offer each week, you could alternate weekends with two different hosts, or have 3 or 4 available.  I recommend that each host be scheduled at least once a month, or the connection to the community will not be built.  Having some diversity on your host team – of age, gender, and race – is also intentional for building bridges to various people in your church.
• How can we develop our host team and help them to prepare?  That sounds like a great topic for my next post…stay tuned because there is more to come!

Celebration - An Absolute Necessity!

Yesterday morning Soul City Church celebrated its 4th anniversary with abundant joy and gratitude for the ways Only God has worked among us.  Powerful stories of transformed lives were told; we sang praises to the One who most deserves our praise; Co-Lead Pastors Jarrett and Jeanne Stevens reflected on the wonder of how God works among ordinary people to do extraordinary miracles.  My favorite moment took place when we toasted the anniversary with about 2 ounces of sparkling cider, clicking our little plastic cups. It was all very fun and deeply significant at the same time. Celebration matters.  All the planning and hard work are more than worth it for the ways these moments of commemoration remind us how God has been faithful.

The Old Testament is marked by frequent use of the simple word, Remember.  We are called to pause and look back at all that God has done. This is because we tend to be forgetful, ungrateful, and even anxious about the future.  Can our Heavenly Father be trusted?  If only we will take the time to look at the past, at all the crossroad moments when God came through for us, at the resources and people and ideas that He lavished on us, we will be moved toward hope instead of worry. We will remind one another…our God is good!  

So let’s find ways to celebrate. Often. Every anniversary, birthday, baptism, addiction recovery, debt retirement, answered prayer, holy moment.  Throw a party – little ones and big ones. Raise a plastic cup of juice (or the beverage of your choice), look your comrades in the eye, and say, “Only God!”

Halloween Fun Year Round

My daughter Johanna sent me this photo from her Halloween at college – she dressed up as the character Yzma from the movie Emperor’s New Groove.  Seeing that picture stirred up memories of all the Halloweens from her childhood when - thanks to the creativity of our amazing Nanny - she became Charlie Chaplin, a swan princess, a cheerleader, and an adorable Little House on the Prairie girl.  I did not dress up, but seized the joy of answering the doorbell to freezing little trick-or-treaters with my dog Beanie as the primary greeter. Though the weather outside was frightful, we went through more than 16 bags of candy!

Earlier on Halloween morning I was delighted by the costumes worn by the Today Show team.  And I started to think about how few of us adults know how to have that kind of fun anymore.  Sometimes I will ask a church leader I am coaching, “What have you done for FUN lately?”  Usually I get a blank look in return.  Most people cannot think of much beyond going to a movie or watching sports.  When we were children, we simply told our parents, “I’m going out to play!” And we did!  I had no problem having fun as a child. But these days, I allow my agenda, my work, my focused reading, my many relationships, my serious obligations to consume all my time. And when I do have leisure time, I generally numb out in front of the television in front of my favorite shows.

I want to up the Fun Factor!  So let me ask you a few questions along these lines:

• When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?
• When was the last time you surprised a friend or family member and captured them for a trip to your favorite ice cream place?
• Do you play any games besides the ones on your IPad?
• Can you find a way to shake up your routine?

Next Halloween, I want to actually dress in a costume – and put my dog in one too!  But between now and then, I hope to be more of a fun machine, finding ways to usher in joy to my home and to my circle of influence whenever possible.  Will you join me in the FUN campaign

Almost an Overdose on Amazing Art

I firmly believe that it’s worth the time and expense to experience great art – whether it be in the theater, a museum, a concert, a film, or even a rich novel.  Last week, I had the rare privilege of seeing two fabulous shows and walking through the DIA Museum of Modern Art in Beacon, New York.  The first experience was in Las Vegas, practically holding my breath and trying not to break into dance through 90 minutes of the Cirque de Soleil Michael Jackson show. I have no words to describe the glorious combination of film, music, lighting, amazing dance, and perfect sound that our Arts Coaching Circle sat through together.  When the 90 minutes was over, I immediately wished I could see it all over again because there is no way a person could catch the myriad of beautiful details and absolutely right artistic choices made to craft that show.  At the end, the audience was invited to stand to their feet and sing along.  This allowed all of us to do what we had been dying to do since the beginning!

I also had the chance to sing with another audience on Broadway at the close of “Beautiful”, the musical based on the life of Carole King. The Tony-winning performance of Chicago actress Jessie Mueller was spectacular.  This audience was filled with Baby Boomers like me, including many of us who memorized the lyrics to every single song on the Tapestry album back in college.  My major moment came when Jessie sang the anthem, You’ve Got a Friend.  As I reflected on why that moment brought me to tears, I realized that the lyrics captured for me everything I believe about friendship. “Winter, spring, summer or fall…all you have to do is call.”  That’s the kind of friend I have aimed to be, someone who shows up when needed.  Carole King’s song cemented that commitment in me for treasuring friendships, decades ago.  Then at the close of the musical, after the bowing and hooting and hollering for more, the cast allowed all of us to sing along with I Feel the Earth Move.  My daughters, though part of entirely different generation, walked out checking out some of the songs on iTunes and grateful for the inspiring artistic experience we shared.

Two days later, walking through the DIA Museum, I saw artistic work that stretches me, expanding my imagination, stirring up new ideas, appreciating color and texture and form.  While I am far from an expert on modern art, I felt uplifted by the work of those artists.

Last week was a rare dive into several artistic experiences.  My question for you is, when was the last time you sacrificed time and money for your own creative soul?  We cannot possibly measure the benefits of filling our minds and hearts with well-told stories, new images in painting or sculpture, music that moves us deeply, and dance that stirs up praise for the wonder of the human body.  No matter where you live, you can find an experience to lift you creatively.  I promise you it will be worth it! 

When a Bold, Creative Idea Blows Up - Or Doesn't

Technical difficulties.  Those two words elevate the blood pressure for anyone who has produced a school play, a rock concert, a church production, or any event requiring sound and lights and power.  Last weekend, 30,000 Chicagoans gathered on the banks of the Chicago River anticipating a spectacle produced by the Redmoon Theater.  The Great Chicago Fire Festival was a $2 million dollar production, six months in planning. The event was designed to commemorate a horrific event in 1871 that almost destroyed the entire city, and to honor the resilient spirit that rebuilt in record time.  So this last Saturday,  at the big moment when a trio of fabricated floating Victorian mansions were due to ignite, nothing happened.  Awkward silence.  And eventually an announcement explaining there were electrical problems. We now know that heavy rains over the previous days prevented the pilot lights from working. Other parts of the festival were a success, including the displays of 2,000 artists’ work and concluding fireworks.  But the heart of the event - the re-enactment of the Chicago fire - fizzled.

As I reflected on this failure to ignite, my first response, right from the gut, was great empathy for the director and his team.  I have been there.  I recall wireless microphones which had been tested and retested, stubbornly refusing to work once the real deal began.  In one of our original musical events, staged for Holy Week, a thunderstorm blew in causing us to lose power for about 15 minutes and stranding about 20 actors on stage while we tried to calm the audience of 4,000 in a dark auditorium.  We used to call them “gremlins” – especially when failure of well maintained and tested equipment shocked us.  Stuff happens.

However, as Chris Jones of the Chicago Tribune reported on the festival failure, there was no back-up plan:  “…there seemed to be no contingency, no plan B, other than inaction and delay.” We always need to anticipate the potential for the gremlins, for the unexpected disaster, and put into place contingency plans.

When failure happens, a normal response is fear that prevents us from every dreaming a bold dream again, from taking risks.  But creativity, by its very nature, is risky.  The Redmoon team has produced some of the most innovative experiences in our city, blazing a trail of new ideas.  Most of them work and a few are actually brilliant.  I am certain that in their debrief of last weekend, lessons were learned, and new commitments made.  After the real Chicago fire devasted the city in 1871, an astonishing period of rebuilding marked the spirit of the pioneers who refused to give up their vision and who united to create an even more beautiful and safe city.  I, for one, sure hope the Redmoon folks don’t stop taking risks.  I was encouraged by director Jim Lasko’s take on the learnings: “We’re being challenged to embrace our message, which is to have grit and resilience and come back and do it better.” Just like those l9th century Chicago citizens.  

For all of us who create – let’s keep pursuing bold dreams….and not forget to have a Plan B.

Ripple Effects

Last Friday morning, a man named Brian Howard set fire to an FAA radar facility in Aurora, Illinois.  He then attempted to commit suicide, but he lived.  As more information is revealed about Howard’s motives, largely exposed in a Facebook message he sent prior to his actions, we seek to understand how his desperation could have brought him to this place.  What caught my attention was Howard’s words in the post stating, “The outage I’m about to take should not take a large toll on the air space as all comms should be switched to the alt location which will most likely cause some delays.”  This prediction turned about to be dramatically far from the truth.

My life, along with the lives of thousands of others, was affected by Howard’s actions.  I was stranded in North Carolina, and could not get home to Chicago in time for a flight to Orlando where I was scheduled to participate in a very significant recommissioning service.  Thankfully, I was rerouted, costing me time and money. My friend was also delayed an extra day, struggling to return to Chicago where her elderly mom had taken a bad fall and could not understand where her daughter was.  We represent a tiny fraction of all the stories.  No doubt travelers were trying to get to funerals, weddings, key business meetings, and vacations.  Thousands of flights were cancelled, and the FAA does not expect normal operations at O’Hare airport to resume until October 13.

Clearly Brian Howard had no idea and still does not fully grasp the level of havoc he caused.  There were massive ripple effects to his own tragic choices.  I have been reflecting that on a perhaps somewhat smaller scale, most of us underestimate the possible ripple effects to our own choices every day.  The choice to encourage a stranger, to send an e-mail to a wandering soul, to say YES to a new opportunity for service, to say I’M SORRY and seek reconciliation.  If only we could pull way back and look at our lives and all the interconnections with other human beings from a heavenly perspective. We would live differently.  We would abandon our casual attitudes that sometimes assume it just doesn’t matter all that much.  Because we really have no idea.

In Ephesians 2 God tells us that He has divine assignments for each one of us – tasks that were destined for us from the beginning of time.  Today I choose to pay more attention. To try not to miss any of the little choices on God’s agenda for me that might make a greater impact than I could possibly know.

A Story of 2 Sundays - Marking the Moments

I find myself between two Sundays that are enormously significant in the lives of some leaders I care deeply about.  Last Sunday I flew to Ft. Wayne, Indiana to celebrate the ordination service of my remarkable friend, Suze Fair.  Surrounded by her denomination’s district leader, her Senior Pastor, Executive Pastor, and her immediate family, Suze was celebrated and honored in 3 consecutive services.  Wonderful words were spoken about her character, her pastoral leadership, and the journey that has brought her to this point in time.  I sat near the front with Suze’s parents and other close friends who had traveled to mark the moment with her.  As we celebrated later around burgers, brats, and roasted vegetables, Suze told me that she did not anticipate how meaningful the day would be for her. It turned out to be a big deal.

Next Sunday I will travel to Orlando for another big deal.  My treasured friends for a couple decades, David and Caron Loveless, will be recomissioned to ministry about 18 months after leaving the pastorate.  The departure was due to a moral failure on David’s part.  That revelation led to an incredibly courageous deep dive into counseling, with both David and Caron facing the darkness together, opening themselves to repentance, truth telling, grieving, reconciliation, and healing.  They will be surrounded Sunday evening by many friends and family who have walked closely with them and seen their process up close.  It will be an honor to be in that circle, to celebrate their pathway back to being kingdom builders, and to give thanks for God’s redemptive power and grace in their lives. 

It would have been an option on both of these Sundays to simply slide into the new reality, to not take the time for an actual ceremony marking God’s miraculous work.  But I believe something hugely significant happens in the hearts of those who are honored and celebrated as well as in the lives of others who participate in the moment.  We pay attention. We say YES to God’s goodness and we give thanks.  These moments matter. How grateful I am for back to back Sundays filled with wonder and joy!

Worship Design: Template or Blank Sheet of Paper?

Law and Order Episode:

In first minute, random people discover a dead body 

The cops show up and make a clever quip

Credits Roll over iconic Theme Song

Commercial Break

First half hour of episode – police work to solve crime

Second half hour – the District Attorney, lawyers, judges enter in and case goes to court and gets resolved.

Almost all television shows have a template – whether they be comedies, dramatic shows, reality shows, talk shows, or even the news.

---

Local Church Service Any Given Sunday:

Song #1

Warm Welcome from Worship Leader

Song #2

Song #3  (possible Turn and Greet time)

Host Comes Up – Announcements and Offering

Pre-Message Focus Video

Message

Closing Songs #4,5

Closing Prayer/Benediction

---

I have been thinking a lot about templates lately – the Pros and the Cons.  When I was leading a Worship/Arts team, our mantra was to surprise the congregation every week.  We believed our job was to treat every Sunday like a blank sheet of paper, seeking how to craft an experience that would hopefully include moments when people would feel something deeply, connect with God, and ultimately walk out of church different from when they walked in. We looked at the options of tools in our toolbox – including vocal and instrumental music, Scripture reading, guided prayers, drama, video, dance, silence, confession, and congregational worship – and discerned week to week what the best content and flow would be for that Sunday.  Predictability was our enemy. We never wanted people to be sure what was coming next so they could go on autopilot.  Variety was a huge value for us.

But there is another point of view to consider.  Some would argue for the  comfort and confidence attenders can feel when they know what to expect.  If your favorite television show has no template, if the murder doesn’t happen in the first minute of a Law and Order episode, a person could feel unsettled and disappointed.  So if we go to a church with a fairly well established order of service, whether it is highly contemporary or a more traditional liturgical experience, we may show up hoping for the familiar in a world full of constant change and often unwelcome surprises.  Maybe church should be a place where we are blessed with that sense of general confidence that if we bring a friend, we know exactly what to promise him or her.

I am not going to argue that one or the other point of view is more right.  I am living these days with the tension.  I do believe very strongly that whether or not we have a basic template, we should not ever be lazy or lack creativity in our efforts to prepare worship experiences filled with potential for God to move in the hearts of people. Planning Center is a tool that should not replace animated dialogue, intentional choices, brainstorming of moments, and a thorough exploration of options.  I also grieve that in so many places we have allowed our toolboxes of artistic possibilities to shrink down to music and video.

So here’s my bottom line.  Templates are not necessarily bad.  They actually may be just the right choice for many churches.  There is also a place for the wonder and divine surprises connected to a blank sheet of paper approach.  What do you think?  Do you prefer a predictable and comfortable episode of your favorite television series, or going to a movie where you have no idea what might happen next?

If you'd like to explore more about worship design, I invite you to join me for Coaching Circles, where we'll connect with other worship arts leaders for a time of mentoring, coaching, and connection. Learn more at http://www.coaching-circles.com

28 Years Later - Another Team Retreat!

Twenty-eight years ago as a young church leader trying to figure out how to build a team of church artists, I took our worship/arts staff on a retreat to my brother’s tiny blue house which he graciously agreed to vacate for a couple days.  There were about 10 of us crammed into this little lakeside cottage, with the tiniest of kitchens and only one bathroom!  We cooked our own food, laughed over every meal until our stomachs hurt, learned one another’s stories, dreamed of how we could create moments to move our church, and began a journey together that lasted a couple decades. Somehow God helped me stumble on a fabulous way to do ministry while forging a family. From that point on, we held two retreats faithfully every year.  What a joy to come away together to celebrate the highlights of what God had done among us, to affirm the unique contribution of each individual (with our version of the Academy Awards only even longer!), and to create memories over broom hockey, sledding, tubing, cooking, foot washing, and opening up about our lives. My most treasured moments in ministry were not the large impactful events we created, as wonderful as those were. No…what I most delighted in were those intimate gatherings around tables or back decks, just being together.

So this past weekend…some of us gathered again!  None of us work together any more, and we all worship in different communities.  But one team member now owns a lovely home in Wisconsin, right on Lake Michigan, and invited us for another retreat!  Once again we laughed at ourselves until our stomachs hurt. Once gain we went deep together - celebrating one another’s victories and mourning one another’s losses. We have done life together for three decades – witnessing the loss and decline of elderly parents, the birth and raising of our children, wedding dances, graduations, and other major milestones.  And it was beyond good to look into the eyes of these teammates who have become some of my closest life friends, to know we will walk together until the end.

I am a huge advocate of retreats. If you lead a team – any kind of team – one of the most significant ways you can build that group is to get away together, make some memories, reflect on your work and your relationships and your dreams, laugh and pray together, even work through conflict and messy stuff, and learn how to be a family.  Some would argue that this kind of team/family merging is far too risky. Yes, it is risky. But it is more than worth it.  Truly, this team is one of the greatest joys of my life. Put a retreat on the calendar. Plan it with great care and prayer. And just watch, over the years, how God will knit your hearts together.

There's No Place Like Home

Today we will end our 3-month adventure leasing a condo in the West Loop of Chicago.  It’s been a blast exploring the city where I was born and raised – discovering new neighborhoods, taking tours like a tourist would, walking all over the place.  We rented bikes for a lakefront trip, appreciated the magnificent architecture on a fabulous fireworks boat tour, tasted new foods at lots of superb restaurants, walked to a growing and vital young church where we found ways to serve, and introduced our little dog to life in the city.  It’s been a gift of God’s grace.

The question we are now asked by those who know and love us is simply, “So when are you going to sell your suburban house and move to the city?”  That’s a fair question, as clearly we were experimenting.  And the honest answer is…”Not yet…but maybe someday.”  We find ourselves oddly torn, knowing that there is so much of the city life we will miss.  But the truth is, there’s really no place like home.

Home for all of us is much more than a specific dwelling, though we have enjoyed our house in Barrington for 23 years.  It is the only home our daughters know.  I have been reflecting on what makes somewhere feel like home. Certainly the foremost ingredient for many of us is the WHO we live with.  But there is more to it.  Home is a random collection of memories, of welcoming spots and places, of familiar sights and smells and sounds.

Our Barrington home is the place where for 23 years the girls run down wooden stairs from their bedrooms to the magical sight of Santa having showed up on Christmas morning – still filled with wonder after all these years. Home is the kitchen stools where countless conversations have taken place debriefing a school play, working on tricky math homework, talking through the key moments of a soccer or basketball game, hearing about friends at school while I chop vegetables for dinner. Home is the back deck where we look out over neighbors’ green lawns and lovely flower gardens, where we celebrate with extended family for birthdays and graduations. Home is the family room couch where I sit with the dog on my lap, reading or watching television, while Warren reclines in his favorite burgundy chair. 

Home is also the neighborhood – it’s recognizing when someone’s house gets painted, when a new baby is announced with balloons in the front yard, when an elderly widow passes away.  Home is knowing where you will go for coffee, dry cleaning, shoe repair, frozen yogurt, a movie at the Catlow Theater, a walk to our local bank where the teller, Cindy, knows our names.  Home is the grocery store where I shop several times a week because I cannot seem to plan ahead, where Mary rings up my purchases and Gary packs the bags while asking about my girls and when they will be home.

At this point I could get all spiritual and declare that this world is not supposed to be my home, that a heavenly mansion awaits, that none of us should be so tethered to a place that we cannot obey the call of God that once came to a man named Abraham plucking him out of all he knew and ushering him to a far away place.  All of that is true, and I truly hope that if and when God guides Warren and me to make a move, that we will be willing and obedient. 

But until that moment, I am going to savor living in the place I now call home. I will sip my cup of tea on the deck, look around with fresh eyes and treasure the memories of little girls filling the house with their laughter and energy, and frequently give thanks for the outrageous generosity of the God who gives all good gifts. I will truly miss the city life…but the truth is there’s really no place like home.

What's So Great About The ENNEAGRAM?

About six or seven years ago, someone first mentioned the word enneagram to me.  I remember thinking, “Anyawhat?”  Didn’t even know how to spell it.  I soon learned that the Enneagram is a tool for self awareness - an ancient description of 9 personality types that has a complex and somewhat disputed series of roots from Plato to the early desert fathers, as well as other streams from Judaism and the Islamic Sufi traditions.  I have always been curious about methods for better self understanding, and found Myers Briggs, Strength Finders, the DISC, and other tools to be helpful in learning how I am wired.  But the Enneagram has proven to be by far the most valuable diagnostic for me and others I coach.  What makes it different?

• The Enneagram is developmental.   Most of the tools give us an idea of our strengths…and maybe our limits.  After that awareness, there does not seem to be much opportunity for growth.  But the Enneagram gives us a paradigm, for each type, of who we are in our most healthy, resourceful place in that type…and who we are in our dysfunctional, shadow side place.  We begin to see our default pattern - our besetting sin. And frankly, that is quite horrifying. With a picture of the healthy place we can aspire to, the Enneagram becomes highly motivational. 
   
• The Enneagram is intricately layered – filled with potential for deeper understanding.  Once you begin digging into the myriad of resources on the Enneagram, you recognize how much more there is to understand!  There are “wings” and also certain types you should move toward to compensate for your own less resourceful tendencies.  I engaged in an intensive five days of training this summer, and still feel like a rookie in learning what there is to discover from the Enneagram. It can truly be a lifelong growth tool.
   
• The Enneagram is a tremendous tool for leadership and team relationships. Many teams have discovered how helpful the Enneagram can be for understanding those we work with – and those we live with!  I wish I had accessed this tool back when I was in full time church leadership - I am quite certain I would have led up more effectively as well as led my team with greater understanding.  I recently had the opportunity to introduce the Enneagram to a pastoral team who report that it is stirring up hugely constructive conversations and fostering a healthier staff culture. 

If you are interested in exploring the Enneagram, I have 3 books to recommend and also a diagnostic test you can take.  The test can be found at http://www.wepss.com

My top 3 books:

1. The Enneagram:  A Christian Perspective  by Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert
2. The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson
3. 9 Lenses on the World: The Enneagram Perspective by Jerome Peter Wagner

My sincere hope is that you will find the Enneagram tool to be enormously helpful for your own growth and the development of your team. 

Treating Bedtime as a Deadline

This summer I read an excellent book by Arianna Huffington titled Thrive.  Part of the wisdom contained in this book is an entire section about sleep.  Huffington underscores what medical experts are all proclaiming – most of us are seriously sleep deprived.   My favorite practical idea she suggested was to treat our bedtime like a deadline.

We face deadlines all day long – and most of them we take quite seriously. Our work meetings. Yoga class. Picking up a daughter from school. Doctor’s appointments.  But too many of us are quite random when it comes time to turn out the lights.  There’s always one more load of laundry to do, one more episode of House of Cards to watch, one more chapter to read, or, most of all, a few more emails to respond to. The problems is we don’t have much flexibility when it comes to the morning alarm clock. 

Huffington urges us to first determine through brutal honesty and experimentation how many hours of sleep we need each night to thrive.  This is where a whole lot of denial or pride step in – we want to be known as the Energizer Bunny who can flourish with a mere 4 or 5 hours on a regular basis.  But that is actually not sustainable and incredibly unhealthy over the long haul.  The average range is between 7 and 9 hours per night.  Once we know our “sleep number” (and I’m not talking about those magic mattresses), we back up our wake-up call and establish a bedtime deadline.  A deadline we will treat like a hugely important meeting. Because it is.

My older daughter, Samantha, has been seriously sleep deprived for several months working too many jobs and trying to make her way as an artist in Brooklyn.  Currently she is on a 3 ½ week writing break, all by herself at a friend’s condo down in Florida.  I bought her a copy of Thrive, and she is getting about twice as much sleep as she usually gets.  When I talk to her on the phone, I can hear the difference in her voice. She sounds fully alive, back to her delightful and funny self.  We’ll see if she can sustain this when she returns to her real life.  I hope at least some of this sticks.

If you are in a season with young children, especially infants, I know you probably read this with a bit of anger – she doesn’t understand my life!  I do remember when sleep was my most precious and rare resource, my favorite thing to do between feedings.  In every season of our lives, we will need to make adjustments in our attempt to be healthy.  If you are way off in terms of total sleep, start with an extra half hour a night a slowly work your way back to health.  Pretend you have a vital meeting with your pillow!

Is It Time to Revive Art in the Church?

Over a decade ago, many churches embraced a toolbox full of options for designing worship services including music, video, drama, dance, visual art, poetry, spoken word, stories and testimonies, guided prayers, and interactive exercises.  These days….it’s almost exclusively music and video. Certainly music and video are art forms.  But what about the other tools?  

There are many reasons to explain what happened.  Developing arts teams in a variety of disciplines is expensive, complicated, messy, and inherently risky.  I believe that several churches attempted to do more than their resources allowed them to do well.  As I’ve often said, the only thing worse than no drama is bad drama!  Sadly, any art form done poorly will be written off as a poor investment.  So instead of recognizing that each of these art forms should only be used as often as they can be done with excellence, we write them off and stay safe.  I also recognize that a church with solid Biblical teaching, engaging worship music, and a little video, can be a prevailing, healthy community.  So why rock the boat?

I believe it is time for another renaissance of art in the church.  We need to see a rising up of creative artists willing to experiment and re-invent ways to unleash the arts for moving people in worship.  It’s time to raise up Why do I feel so strongly about this? Here are my two top reasons:

• Because people in our congregations experience different pathways to God  - Not everyone senses God’s presence primarily through music. And yet musicians are typically the main people planning our services!  People learn and respond to moments through a variety of methods. Some folks are more visual. Some love the power of story and words. Others long for guided prayers and silence.  Some people are tactile, and engage best with an interactive experience or activity.  Embracing a wider palette of art forms will allow for more individuals to be struck by the wonder and beauty and power of God’s presence.
   
• Because gifted artists are sitting on the sidelines and long to be invited onto the field – Back in the days of Moses, God raised up artists named Bezalel and Oholiab to design and craft the ark of the covenant and all its furnishings.  When describing Bezalel, God said: “I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills - to make artistic designs…”  Your community and mine is filled with men and women just like Bezalel!

Every church, no matter what its size, has some artists sitting in the seats who could be invited into the grand adventure of using their gifts to advance God’s purposes. Photographers, dancers, poets, painters, filmmakers, writers, designers, actors and, of course, musicians are all potential players in the crafting of transcendent moments.  Your church likely has its own unique combination of gifted men and women who are just waiting to be known, inspired, and led. Once they taste the deep fulfillment and joy of using their gifts for holy purposes, these artists will passionately declare, “I was born for this!”  And they were…

In order for this new artistic renaissance to happen, we need some courageous leaders willing to take the risk, move out into new territory, lead up effectively to the senior leaders of their church, build community life by life among artists, and prepare really good work so that the congregation is so deeply moved they will support these new art forms. I know that sounds daunting. But it can and must be done!  Anybody out there up for the challenge?

I’d love to hear what you have to say…and if you are a church artist who wants to take a deeper dive with me on these issues, please consider joining our Worship Arts Coaching Circle launching in November.  www.coaching-circles.com

Women and Ministry

Almost 30 years ago when I started serving on staff as a church leader, my role on the Management Team was somewhat pioneering, at least for our church. As the first female on that team, and later, the first female Teaching Pastor, I sought to do the work of ministry as best I could, hoping that my gender would actually not be a big deal or a barrier.  I am deeply grateful for the opportunities I had, for the adventure of learning in the trenches of leadership, for the men and women who opened up a place for me at the table and made room for my voice.  If you would have asked me way back then what the landscape of women in church leadership would look like by 2014, here is what I would have predicted.

By now, I thought we would see a much larger percentage of women serving as Senior Pastors, Executive Pastors, Worship Pastors, etc.  Women coming out of seminaries or the marketplace, according to my forecast, would discover several opportunities in local churches to fully express their gifts, to lead with boldness, to teach from the pulpit on a regular basis.  I thought that men of my generation, and certainly those younger than us Baby Boomers, would be enthusiastic advocates opening doors for women, recognizing the value of hearing the female’s voice both strategically and through teaching.  While historically, women have found places to lead in Children’s Ministry and Women’s Ministry.  I’m sure I thought by now that those options would be greatly expanded, building on those arenas and spreading to areas like Evangelism, Spiritual Transformation, Church Operations/Finance, and the Board of Elders.

I am fully aware of the barriers to this vision – theological positions, tradition, culture, denominational policies, etc. But hey, I’m also an optimist.  I thought we would see tremendous openness to exploring these barriers.  I thought more churches would open up studies and dialogue and wrestle deeply with the issues, digging into Scripture, and risking the inevitable pushback and controversy in a passionate search for the truth.  I did not think all churches would see a wholesale transformation to the egalitarian view.  But I had hoped to see movement – significant steps to empower women as far as any church’s theology would allow.  And to be completely honest, I thought my male counterparts of the day would challenge and disciple other male leaders to  display greater courage, take more risks, go out on a limb to open up whatever doors they could, to share the power/authority and seats at the table.

So what does reality show us now in 2014?  Certainly not what I envisioned and prayed for.  More women than ever are going to seminary, comprising 51% of students in divinity school.  The “Faith Communities Today” 2010 national survey of a fully representative, multi-faith sample of 11,000 American congregations found that 12% of all congregations in the United States had a female as their senior or sole ordained leader. For Oldline Protestant congregations this jumps to 24%, and for Evangelical congregations it drops to 9%. Of all conservative Protestant congregations, 1% are led by women; of African-American churches, just 3% are led by women.  And what has surprised me most is that many of those in the younger generations – both men and women – are even more devoted to a hierarchal position on women in ministry than their elders.

I rarely hear of a women serving as a Senior Pastor (with the exception of some mainline denominations), Executive Pastor, primary worship leader, CFO, or consistent Teaching Pastor (teaching from the pulpit at least once a month or more).  I hear from women on a regular basis about their loneliness and frustration, their disappointment about not finding ways to fully steward the gifts they have been given in the local church.  It hasn’t turned out the way I hoped. Young women who are bursting with leadership and communication gifts are still not seeing the local church as a primary option for them – too many of them who have sensed a heart level calling on their lives are heading instead to academia, the arts, or the business world.

So yes, I admit I am disappointed. But I do not despair.  Why?  Because of women leaders like Jeanne and Tracey and Barbie and Suze and Caron and Nancy and Andrea and Heather and Kimbra and so many others who show up every day at their local churches and lead with boldness and grace.  The statistics may not give cause for celebration, but remarkable exceptions fill me with hope.  Sweeping change on any issue is not the norm for local churches and denominations.  And yet…one life at a time, one team at a time, one church at a time, some are discovering and benefiting from the outstanding contribution of a godly, gifted woman whose voice becomes vitally significant in meetings of a few and in gatherings of hundreds or thousands.

Recently I was at a small dinner party where I met a businessman who attended our church 25 years ago.  Now he lives in another state, but he took a moment to look me in the eye and tell me what it meant to him and his wife to see me lead and teach all those years ago.  He said it was especially validating to his wife, who also has gifts of leadership, and he expressed thanks to me.

To every woman who is showing up day after day to use your gifts as best you can, I simply want to let you know that you have no idea the impact you are having.  There are men and women who will be enriched by your voice and perspective. Young boys and girls also have their eyes on you – you show them what is possible and redefine what is “normal” in church for them.  When you wonder if it matters, when you want to give up and stop putting yourself out there, taking risks and reading the negative emails, when you feel lonely at the table, when you are not sure if you are even doing the right thing…please don’t give up. Remember your church needs your voice, and your presence is providing a richer, fuller, truer representation of the God who calls us all, male and female, into the life-changing work called full-time ministry. The wider church needs to see more and more examples of how your contribution matters.

And to the male leaders reading this…I implore you to ask yourself if you are doing all you can to be an advocate for the women in your setting.  Are you open to how God wants to use them? Are you willing to courageously explore this issue and listen to the Spirit and to your community, seeking where God would have you land?  Are you clutching to a male-only, boys club kind of leadership team; are you unwilling to share the pulpit – or are you humbly holding all of that loosely enough to make room for your sisters to join you at the table, to brainstorm at the flipchart, and to express their voice to your people?

This post was a risk for me to write, because I know how volatile the entire subject is, how divisive it can be.  I invite your feedback – whether you agree with me or not.  I only ask that we all learn to communicate our perspective with grace and care.  We’ve had enough angry rhetoric on this one.  Let’s just take a breath and try to humbly explore it together.  I know I could be wrong on any number of points.  I just want others to admit the same…and move toward greater understanding.  It’s my sincere hope that in 30 more years…in 2044…the picture of women leading and teaching in the church will look vastly different than it does today.  A girl can dream…